Comms Lessons from my Mama #2 - Understanding limitations

Last Saturday, I tuned into the Miss SA live event and was absolutely charmed by Bonang Matheba’s hosting skills. She didn’t just light up the stage—she lit up our hearts with the way she engaged with the newly crowned Miss SA, Mia Le Roux. Now, for a bit of context: Mia is an extraordinary woman who, despite her profound hearing loss, communicates with the help of a cochlear implant. What truly stood out was how effortlessly Bonang adjusted her approach to ensure Mia felt completely included and understood.

What truly stood out was how effortlessly Bonang adjusted her approach to ensure Mia felt included and understood.

Now, you might be thinking, “Well, of course, that’s the right thing to do!” But here’s the kicker—not everyone takes the time to really understand the other person’s limitations when communicating. That brings me to a golden nugget of wisdom I’ve learned from my mom: understanding limitations.

My mom has this superpower of being incredibly observant. She doesn’t just talk; she truly listens. She starts conversations by asking a few questions, getting a feel for the other person’s mood, tone, and any potential barriers to understanding. She’s the queen of giving people space to speak, never dominating the conversation. Let me tell you, she’s got a sixth sense when it comes to reading body language—a skill we could all use more of.

I’ve watched her, time and again, figure out where someone’s from just by listening to a few sentences. She’s also quick to pick up on any speech impediments or other limitations and then, like magic, she adapts her communication style to be inclusive and comfortable for the other person.

So, here are a few pearls of wisdom for making your conversations more effective, especially when someone might have limitations:

• Let Them Speak First: Give the other person the floor. This helps you get to know them better and pick up on their mood, tone, and any potential limitations that might affect understanding.

• When in Doubt, Ask: Remember that classic line, “Assumption is the mother of all mistakes”? It rings true in communication. If you’re unsure, just ask. Check if they have any difficulties understanding what you’re saying, or ask them to repeat back their understanding of what you’ve said.

• Use What You Learn: Don’t just ask questions for the sake of filling the silence. Be intentional. Use what you learn about the person to shape how you communicate with them. Don’t toss that information aside—make it the foundation of your conversation.

We’ve all been guilty of half-listening, planning dinner, or mentally ticking off our to-do list while someone’s talking. Real communication is a gift, one that we shouldn’t take for granted. It’s not just about passing on information; it’s about truly understanding the other person, recognising any limitations, and adapting your message to make sure it’s received in the best possible way.